First Suicide

I don't remember when I first heard the word suicide or learned that death by suicide meant a person willfully killed himself. However, I do remember one of the first times I gave the concept of suicide a good deal of thought. 

I was still a child myself when I watched a story on television about a boy's suicide. This boy knew his family was struggling financially. He figured, if he died, his family would have one less mouth to feed. I don't remember if the account I watched on television was a news story. Perhaps, it was one of those paid-programs seeking sponsors for children in third-world countries.  

Somehow, I'd already been given the impression or fed information that those who die by suicide go to hell. I remember asking my mom if this boy would go to hell because he killed himself. I didn't think he should because he was just trying to help his family. I'm not sure how my mom replied. But, I remember thinking, perhaps I even said, I'd never kill myself.

I don't know why I decided I'd never kill myself. I don't know if it was because I was afraid of going to hell or if I was afraid of hurting my family or if it was because I reasoned I had no good reason to kill myself like the boy in the story. I don't know. I don't remember.

(c) 2014 My Suicidology